Incredible India

I have been in India for three days and already a lot is happening.

Besides the ananda of being in the room with fellow practitioners from all over the world and being in the presence of my Guru,  issues start coming to the surface.  Issues that i have always had resistance about.

One of them is boundaries.

As a girl in Costa Rica,  i was raised to please others.  Smile,  behave and be the perfect girl.  My mom even put my sister and me through an etiquette course so we would be the perfect wife.  I was only fifteen and i really hated it.  They were pleased when i fell in love with a man,  married and started having children.  Very displeased when i decided to follow my heart and break the rules.

Unspoken rules are those that hurt us the most, especially us women.  They keep us controlled and well-behaved according to someone else.  Being true to yourself is the highest form of satya and i finally learned that i don't need to justify to anyone what i do and why,  if it makes me feel good and connects me to my higher aims.

One of the hardest pieces of the puzzle was setting boundaries.  Saying no is very hard for me.  I want to give people a chance and believe in them.  And i´ve learned the hard way that it is not always possible to have a mature dialogue with others.

So i´ve learned to say no.  I still feel bad when i do and wish i could make others feel better.  Maybe it´s my mommy´s role again.  But even with my children,  i´ve taught them that they have the tools to feel good themselves.  I´ve taught them to take responsibility since they were very young and be independent from me.

When my children had to do a project in school,  they had to do it alone.  Many other parents would do the project for their kids instead of letting them find the pebble,  the leaf and the crayons to create themselves.  Their projects were beautiful because they were their own creations.  It was not about the grade,  but about their capacity to do it on their own.

Sometimes they would complain to me that i was not helping them.  I did´t want to enable them.  They were good enough and smart enough and they keep surprising me everyday.  My six-year old is about to start school and i will also empower him.

So yes, i´ve learn to say no the the predicament of the jewish mother.  The archetype of a mother who does everything for their children but they need to pay a price.  My kids are free souls and i am so grateful for it.  We love each other but they know they can do it on their own.  They also know i have a spiritual path beyond them and my own life to live.  We all respect each other.

My little ones will learn from their brothers and sisters the law of empowerment.  I´ve had to say NO to the latin model of the unconditional mom that does nothing for herself and lives only for her family.  I did because my own mother always complained she could never fulfill her dreams because of us.  My children won´t ever have to feel responsible for me.  I brought them to this world not to use them for my own benefit but to enjoy the beauty of their true beings.  They are not my property or my achievement.  They are my teachers and my friends.

I say no to anything that threatens to silence me and the voice of my teachers through me.  I´m not the type of personality that stays quiet.  When something is not fair,  i voice it out. That´s why i became a lawyer,  i wanted to fight injustice.  Even though my legal life is over,  i still call out when i see something is off.

I have a good friend here in Mysore and he puts the example of being witness to a fight.  Some of us will refrain from intervening,  others will help the victim.  It all depends on our personality and we should be true to ourselves.  I am the type who will start screaming.  Because if someone if being hurt,  i am also.  We are all the same energy.

India greets me with her warmth.  My friend´s smiles are familiar and make me feel at home.  Issues come and go in the surface but deep down my heart is smiling.  Because i've had  the great luck of visiting this great country many times and i plan to keep coming until my body breaks down.  I want to walk in the Himalayas,  hike in the peaks of Mount Kailash,  bathe in the source of the Ganges and travel to Calcutta.  I want to see the people that Mother Teresa helped there and understand that none of us is ok if all of us are not ok.  I want to fight contempt and hate with love.  Help others.  Stay true to my path.

And beyond that,  all else is non-sense.

India:  you remove all my conditioning with your sole vibration.  You make my soul vibrate so high i can almost cry every second i am in this land.  Keep removing all the obstacles that are false and bring my awareness to its peak so i can serve better.