Estoy en Roma.
Hoy fue tan emocionante llegar y pasar por mi Universidad. Hace años viví en esta ciudad y fue el comienzo de un lento pero eficaz proceso de abrir mis alas. Fue el primer viaje que hice sola fuera de mi país.
Estaba aterrorizada.
Viví en Roma por varios meses y la experiencia fue una de las más ricas y poderosas en mi despertar espiritual. No que estuviera interesada en ningún despertar, al menos conscientemente. Entonces no había internet y sólo escribía cartas a mi familia. Mi trabajo en la Universidad me mantenía ocupada, además de la amistad de muchos otros abogados latinoamericanos que también habían venido a Italia a estudiar con becas del gobierno italiano, mis amigos italianos y toda la novedad y aventura.
Tengo que agradecerle a uno de mis maestros en la Facultad de Derecho el proponer mi nombre y además, su apoyo incondicional. Sé que gracias a sus enseñanzas que hoy veo hacia atrás con admiración, es que empecé a descongelarme en una sociedad que aniquila los sueños de las mujeres sin piedad.
Su consejo me invitó a ir más allá de las cuatro paredes de mi país. A aventurarme al otro lado del mar a la Ciudad Eterna.
Mañana la visitaré de nuevo: ansío caminar sus calles y fuentes, recorrer sus puentes y admirar el Tíber. Reconocer viejas calles en Trastevere y regresar a trattorías amadas. Quiero echar de nuevo las monedas en la Fontana di Trevi, caminar por la Piazza del Popolo y Villa Borghese y recorrer de nuevo las calles que me llevarán a Trinitá dei Monti y la Piazza Spagna.
Ahí donde estudié durante muchos meses.
Ahí donde me empecé a metamorfizar.
Una mamá joven, con dos niños pequeños sin camino personal. Una mujer insegura, asustada, tímida y apocada. Era sólo una adición más a una familia poderosa, donde era sólo un punto anónimo que pariba. Anhelaba encontrarme pero no sabía cómo. Sólo sabía que no podía permanecer encerrada en una rutina que sólo me veía como una pieza más en el engranaje de un linaje que no era el mío.
Tenía que crearlo. Tenía que aventurarme. Una sed poderosa dentro de mí me impulsaba a ir más allá de los lugares comunes. Algo que continúo haciendo y haré hasta el final de mis días en este cuerpo.
Podría haberme quedado, sí. Muchas de mis amigas me creían loca. Según sus parámetros, había alcanzado el máximo de mis posibilidades. Estaba casada con un hombre de una familia renombrada y mucho dinero más dos niños preciosos y perfectos.
Y aún así, tanta pero tanta soledad y desolación internas.
Roma llegó a mi vida en un momento de mucha incertidumbre y me dio todavía más. Lo hermoso es que en Roma me sentí libre y creativa y por casi un año, cultivé mi pasión personal en ese entonces, el Derecho. Leí en latín, diserté en italiano. Aprendí la lengua y conocí muchos amigos, algunos de ellos todavía presentes y importantes en mi vida. Extrañé mucho a mi familia, sí, pero parece que ya ese ya era mi karma desde entonces.
Añorar de lejos a quiénes amo para poder hacer mi camino.
Mi camino me ha llevado por todo el mundo. Hoy aquí de nuevo en esta ciudad milenaria, comprendo eso que todos los caminos llevan a Roma, sí. Hay una sincronicidad que sucede en mi vida cuando pongo los pies acá. He regresado en múltiples ocasiones después de mis estudios. Volví embarazada de Ariel, mi tercer hijo, con el corazón destrozado después de una visita a Israel. Volví también a correr una maratón completa hace diez años, intensa y dolorosa por el empedrado de la ciudad que casi me destrozó mis rodillas.
Todavía dudaba de mi dirección en la vida.
Y hoy, vuelvo en un momento en que fluctúo constantemente entre el éxtasis de compartir quién soy y lo que amo con una añoranza muy fuerte por lo que fue. Una nostalgia que cada vez se difumina más en el tiempo en una hipérbole de sentimientos encontrados hacia un país lejano que ya no es mi hogar.
He creado a través de mis decisiones una vida imperfectamente perfecta pero mía. La he creado lejos de aquellas compañías que no son conducentes ni solidarias. La he creado con fe y esperanza en que mi pasión es también mi sanación y la de muchos otros y que mi dharma me pidió más que a muchos otros porque tengo algo que compartir con el mundo.
Me faltan mis niños, sí. Pero estoy creando un nido para recibirlos cuando llegue el momento. Es un nido que nace de un profundo deseo por el despertar- por nuestro despertar como seres que decidimos encarnar en grupo. Un nido para recordarles quién son en verdad. Es un nido hecho de lágrimas y pétalos; yoga y meditación; conocimiento y verdad. El origen de esta vida localizado en India, la cuna y origen de la espiritualidad mundial. La impermanencia y el sufrimiento del apego su base firme y el amor que crece y se expande lo que lo mantiene unido.
Un nido, una invitación abierta al llamado de libertad que depende sólo de una cosa: Ser.
Ser Amor.
Ser ellos. Ser profundamente ellos.
Ser profundamente yo.
Roma es Amor.
Roma es historia, fuerza y nobleza. Es la Ciudad Eterna, al igual que son eternas mis quimeras personales y mis sueños. Al igual que se decanta mi vida y queda un néctar ámbar de resiliencia y fe ante los obstáculos.
Roma me abraza de nuevo y yo me dejo.
Sé que me dice desde ya
¨Sos eterna... igual que yo.¨
I'm writing in a fast train to Rome after a week of deep realizations in Tuscany.
Arriving to a new shala is always a surprise. The anticipation reminds me of the butterflies in the stomach I used to feel before arriving in school for the new year. New friends, new faces, all watching me as if I had a special superpower to deliver them something they need.
And its exactly the opposite.
I plan my workshops and classes but I always know the end result doesn't depend on me. It depends on the group. In this one the energy was very cohesive and we were all going through a difficult patch. The teachings came out very organically, delivered with a gentle pace and rhythm.
I learned about the power of saying no, I don't want this in my life anymore. Enough of it.
I also learned how to love myself more- even though lately its been extremely hard.
I learned stories about changing countries and starting lives from scratch- exactly what i´m going through.
How to let go and cry infinitely for those we have lost.
When to surrender to the power of faith in our dreams and take actions daily to make them happen.
How to find a new zest for life when the system has dislodged us from duties and considers us outsiders.
One of my students was missing half hand; I am missing half my heart. Another one had lost his wife, other her health. I've lost so much lately I don´t even count anymore. We were all a little broken, excruciatingly empty. This emptiness became full, open and mysteriously filled by so much Love.
Love for the practice and the teachers. For the knowledge that poured into our souls like sweet nectar. But the most important the gathering of spirits for the lifting of our tapas.
I reached Florence with my senses opened and my mind caressed by many. I leave with my soul full of hope with a tangible Love that doesn't depend on the happenings of life. Its a quiet whisper that follows the singing of the bird in the morning, walks with me every where and observes everything, knowing I'm not any of that.
And I'm also every part of it.
I'm the eyes of the man who can't cry because he is afraid he may never stop.
I'm the hands of the woman without a voice who has started to dream about freedom.
I'm the power of the yogi who misses India every day yet thinks he may never be able to go back to Narnia.
I'm the hopelessness turned into a bundle of love threaded by the wise connection that sustains us.
As the train moves through forests and mountains in this lovely Tuscany, I know invisible forces have taken control of my life. What remains back in Costa Rica and belongs to me is moving steadily closer. What has already gathered momentum is flying high, unencumbered by my presence. Released from the burden of having me around which is great also.
What is ours is written in our destiny and no one can take away.
This intense opening that touched a group of us this past weekend will live in our memories forever. It will taint our actions and decisions and pamper our brokenness when the darkness shows up. The illumination stays because light can only wither but never die. It has come with us to this earth to remind us we are just visitors here.
And yet, in the visit we will find that immense relief of knowing she walked with us here all the way.
The challenge of traveling despite my broken heart has taught me so much about what my teacher explains regarding the meaning of practice.
Practice gives us stability: physical, mental and emotional. It's only because of my daily practice and my previous years of sadhana that I can keep going.
Otherwise, I think I would have died of grief.
In one of the trains we saw a young man asking a senior citizen to move from her seat. Yes, it was his seat for sure and he had the train ticket to prove it. But this lady did not deserve to be treated in that way. He was extremely rude and entitled and even though he was right in the sense he had bought a ticket for himself, he was deeply wrong to disturb her in the way he did.
This incident made me think a lot about the difference between something legal and something which is ethically right, an action which respects sacred values of life, honor and integrity. Of course, it brought me back to my own personal predicament and the pain I have endured after my children were taken away from me last November in Costa Rica.
Using the law or any argument against ethics and basic human goodness is one of the most common abuses that happen daily in the halls of justice. Using legal arguments to cover the truth can be done, yes. I was a witness of that for many years in my law practice and that is exactly why I left my law career.
Truth can be bent and spoiled and anything can be written on paper. It takes an extremely wise judge to see beyond the letters and fell the humans behind them and understand the deepest reality and consequences of her ruling in real life.
In mine, my children have been psychologically manipulated for months to believe they don't need their mother. Since they are still little, they have been an easy prey. But karma is amazing and all children grow up. Each one of us understands a lot about our childhood now: who was truthful and who was not; who was bad mouthing others and what heavy karma comes from that.
Children grow and I know mine will find a way back to me, if they choose to. Right now, they can't because they are in the hands of confusion and delusion. They are surrounded by many distortions. I know they will be very angry when they understand what really happened. That is exactly what happened to many of us when we grew up and then understood who were the liars and who the thieves.
Until then, the legal fight goes very slowly and I'm enduring the effects of hardships and discouragement. The case is barely starting since we have 5 or more years in front of us to finally come to a final ruling regarding the custody. By then my children will be 16, 15 and 14 and their childhood would have vanished in front of my eyes.
I'm so grateful to have my practice and the presence of my Guru's feet to face whatever will come. As yoga has taught me, I can choose to stay in despair and hopelessness, complain and cry and yet nothing will change. Or I can choose to create something beautiful, even with my torn heart.
These extreme challenging times have confirmed there is something unbreakable in my soul. I do cry every day, I feel down and sad and sometimes I can barely get out of bed but then I take a deep breathe and jump into my mat. When I meet my friends, when I hold the people then I forget everything about my own personal story and become someone who is untainted by the weight of heavy human suffering.
Guruji used to say: "practice, teach and then all is coming.."
Yes, there is a magic that happens when we take our practice into the world and share it with others. There will be many obstacles to do so, especially in our own minds. Many will give up before getting even started...yet, some of us simply don't.
Some of us believe love is the only real meaning of life and worth all the effort in the world. Some of us believe compromising our truth in front of injustice simply can't be done without damaging our souls.
So yes, I have not complied to the expectations of those who took my children away from me. They thought I would simply accept the spoiled ruling and become their puppet.
My children will know their mother was not a puppet, nor a victim.
She was a crucible and crucibles burn for themselves and for others. She decided to leave the plate when basic respect was no longer served and the price was infinite pain into her life, yet not as bad as embracing the insult as if it existed.
I still have self respect and I can live with myself everyday. Accepting injustice would have been the ultimate betrayal to my soul and spiritual integrity. I'm paying the high price of being true to myself. I'm praying each day to be able to endure the absence of my children who I dearly love. Yet, I know they will grow and then the full truth will come out...
and the truth will set us all free.
Crucible: a situation of severe trial, or in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new.
The promise of yoga is future suffering can be avoided. As human beings, we are bound to suffer. No matter how much yoga, no matter how vegan, no matter how self- aware, we are meant to die.
Lack and loss are life staples. We can't avoid them nor we should.
It is impossible to live in a human body and not feel anxiety, emotional pain, physical pain and fear. Uncertainty is the only constant.
Change.
Unexpected events and tragedies.
Yet, we can learn to relate to pain in a different manner. I have and not because of me, but because of my yoga practice.
I am dealing with a very painful situation right now. It has been going on for months and the pain is fresh everyday: it doesn't go away. Bleeds daily like the stigmas in the saints hands. No matter how much I practice, its still there. The absence of my children is a hole in my heart. Yet, thanks to my sadhana I can at least try to stay in the present moment and experience the depth of this wound but not extrapolate it.
I don't know what is coming, yet I know I'm here, alive and grateful. I'm grateful because they are my children, no matter what. I'm their mother and no one can love them as I do. I have learned to understand the depth of this love and use it to dive deeply into my consciousness.
Beyond the role, its a deep daily inquiry on love.
Thanks to yoga, I'm not a prisoner of fear or anger even though I have enough reasons to be bitter, angry and resentful. I know those who have inflicted us this pain have their own karma to deal with and that is none of my business. God will take care of it. I have chosen not to dwell in grudges or contempt.
This attitude has diminished my suffering greatly.
Yes, there are actions to be taken and yoga is skill in action.
Thanks to my practice, when the moment came to make a decision to stay in a situation that was unlivable, I chose to leave. Yes, I chose to leave the plate that was served to me because it did not respect my integrity and my values. Yes, I decided not to obey a judgment that is unfair, following Gandhi's wise words to disobey whatever hurts our sense of humanity.
I chose but have suffered deeply yes. Yet, the option of staying would have been way more painful. Leaving my kids is the hardest thing I have ever done. But I know its temporary and I know life will bring us back again. I followed my deepest instincts because my children need a strong healthy mother...not a rag, not a depressive and sick one.
I could have become a prisoner of my fears and remain in the cage of my own mind. But through the daily repetition of my sadhana, I have learned to observe myself when I'm going down and the mental patterns that threaten to take me into despair, impatience and discouragement.
Then, I take a deep breath. And then another...
And then, I cruise through my asana practice and I yoke myself tight to the current of my breath and observe how the mental patterns start changing.
From judgment into acceptance.
From self loathing into self inquiry.
From guilt into calmness.
Fleeting clouds reassure me I'm something deeper than them. I'm something inside the breath: one that can endure anything.
Who I really am observes everything in equaminity.
Being in this world as human beings gives us the one-in-a lifetime opportunity to become more conscious about the ways we increase our own suffering.
How do we deal with people? Are we constantly blaming them for our unhappiness? Are we constantly judging according to our views? Are we feeling entitled from our attachment to our sense of a separate self?
Are we choosing to feed this over and over again?
Yoga is the promise of freedom and it comes with a sense of isolation. We stop engaging with the ways of the illusion and that makes us outsiders to the matrix. The trap of false identification with our mind patterns and attachment to our ideas creates intense psychological pain.
Why?
Because somehow we are trying to get others to agree with what we believe and see things as we see them.
Sitting with ourselves means relinquishing all efforts to make it happen our way and change others. Means accepting everything that is happening just the way it is and freeing ourselves from the fixation to make things ¨better¨, or ¨different¨ or linger in the past of how it ¨used to be¨....or expect things to be ¨better¨ in the future.
We can choose to be isolated from others in support of our ideas or we can feel the absolute interconnectedness with all beings, even in the moments of pure despair. The broader perspective is engaging with the world in a more compassionate way both to ourselves and others. It´s very hard sometimes, yes.
How can we cultivate compassion towards those who hurt us, betray us, stab us in the back?
Yoga says we can actually purify our minds through this daily challenges. We can cultivate friendship towards the happy, compassion towards the suffering, joy towards the virtuous and indifference towards the unvirtuous. Instead of being constantly fluctuating between attachment and aversion, distracting ourselves with attraction and enmity, our minds will become like a laser beam, focused on what expands and balances our energies instead of what brings us down.
We have the choice to take skilled actions everyday. Maybe others are not doing that and we are hurt by their unconsciousness. But we always have a choice to engage in their dramas or transcend the lower energies.
We always have a choice how to react to what comes to us.
The daily repetition in yoga creates patterns of compassion and acceptance for ourselves as we are and then this goes into our daily lives. Self awareness is not about being aloof or disconnected from others, but actually about understanding we all share the same essence. We can grow from our grief and from listening to the suffering of others and this will grow the seed of interconnectedness instead of using our practice as a self centered ritual.
Life needs us present, open and ready to serve.
¨The goal of yoga is to overcome suffering and replace it with bliss.¨
Today I woke up in beautiful Puglia, in the south part of Italy.
I'm surrounded by olive trees, fresh morning air and the promise of my practice. Everyday is a new day, a new body and a new mind. Everything I have done up until today adds up, I know. But when I face my mat its like the first one: deep gratitude, excitement and curiosity.
What is coming today? What is this day about?
How am I? Is there fear there? Is there worry?
Am I missing something or someone?
Where is my mind? My heart?
My heart flies to my friends in London who are right now with my teacher. We are connected for sure. I'm holding amazing students here and I see their progress in only 3 days we've been together. Four more to go: more openings to come. Yes, there is resistance in the beginning: this method brings a lot out. Entitlement, doubt, delusion, mind patterns.
But the magic is already moving us and I know exactly what will happen next.
It happens again and again...
After the initial resistance, a wave of love will fill us up in unexceptional ways. After the tedious study, opening and sweat, Grace will embrace us as a loving mother with no judgment nor criticism. She will cradle our deepest fears and unworthiness with the blanket of shanti and relieve us of unnecessary noise.
She will show herself up in our daily endeavors, holding us from inside as we travel our lives and create what we need to create in this lifetime. We are not alone.
We are not alone.
My children are also wrapped in this blanket of Love, way beyond my own. I'm their mother, therefore, my cells are in them and as I open mine to new dimensions, theirs follow too. That is why as parents our practice directly impacts our progeny. I feel them as I breathe, knowing wherever they are they are also being held.
And I let go of any worry. Life has stranded us from each other for a while, not easy but the reality right now. I let go of any resistance towards what is and simply go to the place of loss, the pain of being away from them and I honor what hurts.
Then I sing the invocation and start my sun salutations.
I feel the ache in my heart, the breathe moving through me as sacred nectar. I allow it to open up the wound and I let it bleed. It bleeds inside out and now I'm crying. Yes, I miss them terribly yet I'm at peace.
What a paradox. What an undefinable contradiction.
As students, we do our practice without attaching ourselves to any end result. We give our best and then let of expectations and ideas about how its supposed to look or feel. Breath will take care of our most profound concerns, existential ones. She will also take care of those we miss.
And then, all those questions will sprout, the questions only an awakened human being can start considering.
Death is coming. Today or tomorrow. Will I be ready to let go? Will I be grateful for this life? Am I doing the best I can today? Is there any other way in which I can serve?
The series today is hard. I dive into it in very good company. Marvin and Dylan are here with Mark and also Tami. The five of us, each one in a different series, move along in harmony and resonance. The dogs come to us when the going gets tough and lick our sweat. Then they go back to their napping, listening to our grunts, our sighs and observing us with attention.
When Mark is ready for the backhanding, I'm there to hold him. Marvin and Dylan instantly wake up and come to us. They care for Mark and they want to know I'm holding him and caring for him.
Additional amazing teachers are also supporting the space.
We breathe together and understand the opening will take us further. We, the students, are ready. This lifetime has brought us together for one week, yet this week can be everything we need to recalibrate everything. I'm being recalibrated for sure: the pain and the longing for my children ache, but now in a different manner.
This emptiness is a space of creation. This longing my song for more surrender and trust.
We finish practice and rain cleans the property, showers the trees and caresses our faces. We are also being held by this sky, this earth and the deep thunderbolts. The wind blows and remind us to stay free and open and as I leave the shala, I realize this moment is the perfect moment.
As it it.
Today.
Now.
Many have been asking me about my reason to leave Costa Rica and why I closed my shala in San José after 16 years of continuous teaching.
This one goes in english for the whole world.
I was the Costa Rican Ambassador to India from January 2017 until August 2018. My life completely changed when I accepted this responsibility for my country. My original plan was always to take my three little children with me to Delhi but that was not possible because of the extreme environmental conditions in the city.
I personally endured several bronchial episodes and a major surgery and as a responsible mother I decided to let go of my dream of taking them there. I surrendered my ideal to have them relate to a culture I admire and respect because I could not risk their health.
Before I left Costa Rica to become the Ambassador, I was careful enough to leave all the logistical arrangements prepared with my ex husband. We signed a clear legal agreement about school fees, transportation, maids, medical care, materials for school, field trips, vacations and all the daily responsibilities of parenthood, including the important clause the kids would come back to me when I returned from my tenure. Everything was signed with lawyers and I left knowing no matter how hard my job would be, my family was always my hope and inspiration to stay strong and reunite in the future.
It took a moment of discernment to let go of my dream of having my babies with me in New Delhi. It was painful and I cried every night for many months while in India missing them deeply. But this is the gift of motherhood: we would rather sacrifice ourselves than risk or hurt our babies in any way.
Being in India was extremely satisfactory professionally despite the obstacles. As a student of yoga, I have learned to understand life's challenges as an opportunity for growth. I'm grateful to the Indian government for all the teachings in their diplomacy, to each Ambassador I met from many countries around the world who was a kind soul and also to my friends in Delhi for giving me the opportunity to link our countries under the values of democracy, women empowerment, education for peace and the science of yoga as a soft diplomacy tool to unite the whole world.
I never anticipated going back to Costa Rica last October 2018 would become my worst nightmare. I was eager to be reunited with my children, going back to teach yoga- my dharma and life's purpose and reopening my shala in Costa Rica were many students were waiting for me. I was happy to embrace my parents and see old friends.
The Embassy in India was a big challenge, especially because there is a lot of ignorance about this amazing country in my own government and I did not have enough support from my own ministry. Anyways, the job was accomplished and my personal mission finished.
I was ready to go back to the loving arms of my babies.
The big surprise was that a custody case had been opened since March 2018 against me and the news never reached Delhi- a huge illegality. Second, my ex husband cunningly tricked me to give my children to this parents for a weekend while he left the country in a very cowardly manner: and that weekend I received the tragic news not only he had sued me behind my back, but also that a Judge in Costa Rica- a woman ironically, had given him the temporary custody of my children with no mercy for this mother who had been away from them for more than 18 months working for their own welfare.
The trial for custody may take between 3 to 5 years to get solved and in the meantime, I was granted to see them only twice a month with supervision.
An absolute insult to my motherhood.
There was a very wise man in India who used to say unfair laws deserve disobedience. That man was one of the pivots for the independence of this brave country.
This major injustice was the lowest hit I have ever received in my life. I have always tried my very best to live a life based on the principles of yoga: non violence and truthfulness. God knows I would have never ever done anything like this to their father. No matter what happened between us, the children have a right to be with both once separated. In my case specifically, I was the one who provided for housing, schools and the major expenditures in their lives. I was working non stop to provide for them and this temporary custody ruling came as a hit of acid in my face.
Unexpected, low and extremely biased.
I can say after 8 months of pursuing appeal after appeal with my lawyer without any success, I'm glad I left my country. I'm glad because the law in Costa Rica can be used against responsible and loving parents and destroy a family when in the hands of ignorant judges- in my case a woman and this makes it even more hurtful.
My case is unique since i was the ¨man¨ in the family, in the sense I was the major provider and responsible for most of the welfare of my children since they were born. Mrs. Judge ignored all this, even though all the proof was there. She bluntly gave away my children to the father without understanding they had been waiting for me as much as I was longing for them. She broke four hearts and until today, no law has protected this slaughter, only confirmed this inhumane mistake.
Our appeals have been misplaced, the paperwork has been moving back and forth in between offices missing precious time and with no clear response. This case could win the prize of the most mismanaged one in the whole history of family law in my country. My family has been absolutely abused throughout it with extreme emotional pain that has been inflicted in a responsible loving mother and her small children.
As a lawyer, I understand the inefficiency of law in front of matters of the heart. A law that should be there to protect the children has been used to hurt us with no mercy. A country that is known internationally for protecting human rights has committed the worst of injustice. They say justice is blind but this case is the extreme example of blindness. My children have no voice and they can't express their feelings in their present situation.
They can be manipulated because they are away from me, from my parents and family and their survival depends on it.
They have to cry without tears and pretend everything is fine because they have been stranded from the mother and also from my family throughout these months.
Everything is not "fine": their hearts are as broken as mine and whoever says differently is ignorant and deaf. We are deeply and infinitely broken because the love a mother and children share no one can understand or substitute.
We are the victims of a patriarchal system who still believes through the voice of a blatantly ignorant Judge mothers are mothers only if they stay at home, cook for the family and wash their clothes.
I was never such mother. I'm a professional, a lawyer with three masters. I'm also a yoga teacher who was traveling to India and the world way before they were even born. I'm a woman of the 21st century and I was living in a society were women like me are punished for breaking the ¨rules¨.
My authenticity is my legacy to my children. That is why I left my country because if a country uses the law to hurt its citizens, this country does not deserve anything. Because if a country uses the law to hurt someone who even served as their Ambassador with extreme personal sacrifice, this country doesn't deserve to be call defensor of human rights.
I have a new home in India. I am a world citizen now and this personal tragedy has propelled me into unknown territories were I can be myself fully.
This is the meaning of exile for me: the freedom to be who I really am. I never thought I would have to leave for this to happen. I understood in Costa Rica anyone who is different will be punished, one way or another and the punishment I received I did not deserve nor my beautiful children nor any family at all.
I publicly condemn those who have used the legal tools to break four hearts. I also shamefully condenm a Judge who is biased and ignorant in front of the reality of women in the 21st century.
Women of the 21st century are educated, sensitive and strong. We don't stay with men who abuse us. We are independent and free. We don't hold marriages for the sake of the family or make our kids suffer in broken relationships. We take action and safeguard our freedom.
I went for exile because staying in my country would have clipped my wings under a ruling I cannot obey because of its extreme unfairness and ignorance. Obeying that ruling would legitimate it and would legitimate injustice and bias.
My children will read this someday and will understand this painful separation had a deep meaning. I'm creating a new home, a new life to welcome them as soon as possible.
I´m grateful, I'm stronger yes and the most importante thing is I don't have fear anymore.
Fearlessness comes when you have danced with death. I have for the past months, waking up every morning and going to sleep at night away from the hearts I love. But life is wise and yoga is my sword and the sword of discernment has given me so many realizations during these painful months.
The first one is Love gets stronger with distance.
The second one is whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
And the third one is yoga is my sanity and my blessing.
If it was not for yoga...
My children will know I loved them everyday of this forced separation and I'm positive this love will bring them back to me.
And those who tried to trap me, I gently say: you cannot fight Love for Love is the strongest force in this world.
Love will always prevail.
Just wait and see.
