Be kind

I am writing in english today.

I think we all think we know what a yoga practice is.   Today i realised i had no idea.  Today i understood what really matters in the spiritual path.  It was a moment of pure clarity,  of naked truthfulness.  A moment that was very intense for me in emotions but also very clear and pristine in the teaching.

I came to Mexico to understand that yoga is a practice of kindness.  Beyond any performance on our mats,  hatha yogis we use our physical bodies to find the connection to our inner world so we can go out into the outer with more awareness.  Sometimes the form becomes so loud that we lose track of our direction and end up misunderstanding the path for the truth.

The path is temporary and only a tool to live more enlightened lives.

When i speak about enlightment i try to bring it down to my everyday life.  Today,  as i was teaching my classes here in Mexico City,  i got a message from home saying my baby boy was sick.  It was very hard for me to stay focused and present in my classes feeling this deep longing to be close to him.  It was a challenge,  but a challenge i was ready to face.   Life brings a lot of unexpected turns and is the daily practice what creates a container so we can become the witness of the experience instead of reacting.  Reactions from our ego only bring more chaos into our relationships and create unnecessary drama that hurts people around us and ourselves.

But as Osho used to say,  some of us need to crystalise our egos and act out many hidden patterns to finally realise we have been turning around in endless circles,  prisoners of our unconscious samskaras.

Until we are fed up.  REALLY fed up.

My personal practice everyday is to stay focused in the present moment.  I tried to listen to everyone in the circle as they spoke and suddenly,  Matias my boy was not a worry anymore.  I surrendered any attempt to control his wellbeing,  it´s not in my hands anyways.  It´s in the hands of his Dad,  his caretakers and ultimately, the doctors and God.  So i relaxed.  And the sharing with the people was deep,  honest and intimate.  I could feel  great trust and felt very honoured to be part of the circle.

Any time i teach i have my Guru´s pic as an amulet.  Somehow,  his time the picture was not there in the altar this morning.  But the sharing made me forget that i needed it.  I know he is in me and his energy and power moves my tongue,  my body and my hands.  I only need to let go of any preconception about what is going to happen and trust that whatever happens if the best that could have happened.  No need to regret anything.  Just be with myself along the way.

Well,  the intense moment came up when someone out there reacted in a way that really triggered me.  Whenever this happens-  and i could feel fire coming up my throat,  i know that there is something inside of me that i need to look at.  This person is only helping me see something i´ve carried inside all the way.   I asked this person-  who claimed to be an advanced student,  to please help a beginner who is just starting her practice.  This person instantly said no:  she wanted to practice without worrying about anyone else,  she wanted HER practice,  not her concern if someone else was in need.

WTF?

I felt such fury,  such anger like i haven´t felt for a long time.  And this only brings me back to myself:  

How have i been selfish?  How have i not shared enough?  
Where am i holding on to something or looking for something for myself?  
What is my personal interest in this yoga practice?  
What am i getting out of it?  
Am i giving enough?  
Am i helping enough?  

I got a headache with all these questions.  

Tough day.
Tough feelings.

I know my mission is to follow my teacher´s steps.  He is asking us to be better human beings,  help each other and ignore anything or anyone that tries to distract us from our sadhana. But our real sadhana is to be kind to others as much as we can.  Our asana practice can´t be the exception.  Wherever help is needed,  we should step up and go beyond the me- me- me.

So as hard as it feels,  anger still moving inside,  i´m going to bed now to calm down a little and sleep.  Thinking of all the true yogis i know back home and around the world who inspire me.    Knowing many are not the real thing but many others are. Knowing yoga is a transformational practice and i trust we will all come to know the truth from the false in our own time.

I hope this person will.
I hope i will too.

I do hope for all of us.
Our time is too limited to give in into the false ways of the illusion.