miércoles, 12 de marzo de 2014

Seventh Series and bite the dust.

4 am: the alarm clock sets off.

I wake up after a good night sleep.  Third Series today.  Ouch.  It hurts even before hitting the mat.  Ok.  Let´s do this.

I get the studio ready:  light up the candles,  put on the incense.  Turn on the low lamps.  Set up my rug.  Everything and everyone sleeps.  Deep silence and morning bliss.  The students wait outside:  five amazing souls who woke up today at 3 am.  They are here.

I feel so happy.

As they get in and i sit in meditation,  my heart flies to India.  Thinking of my teacher,  his intense dharma.  My friends there and all over the world.  For sure,  someone is about to do the same somewhere in the planet.  I feel blessed,  with the normal little pains in the body at this time of dawn.

We sit in meditation for a few minutes.  Six costarican yogis in the break of the day.  We start practice and move together.

One energy. One breath.

...

About half an hour later into the practice,  i instantly hear the screams.  Run to my son´s bedroom.  Shit.  Big accident.  Need to run.  Hospital,  phone?  Where are the car keys?  I am in my yoga clothes!  My other son awakes as well.  He is worried and about to cry.   Two small children,  a very uncontrolled,  about to break-into-tears scared,  anxious mom...

Everything is dark.

Hold it together.  YOU.
Need to get them in the car.  Now.  
OMG. What about the third baby? Still fast asleep...

And then i remember.  I am not alone today.  My friends are here.  I can leave the house and Matías is in good hands.  Run to one of my students,  tell him in a nut about the problem.  Not that they haven´t noticed.  The screams and tears are pretty loud.

God has a way of protecting those of us who trust Him.

I drive to the hospital in tears,  shaking.  My son is crying,  he is in pain.  His brother worried.  I tell him to breathe,  to be a brave boy.  Tell him God sends challenges to the souls that are strong.  He seems to calm down.  His brother caresses him.  I call the paediatrician,  all set.  They are waiting.   I just have to drive now.  Drive and pray like crazy in this beautiful,  absurd bright and cold daybreak.

Beyond the external chaos,  beyond the absolute fear for my beloved´s physical integrity,  something pulses inside and keeps me going.  I feel shaky and terrorised,  wished all the pain in this world could be inflicted on me so it doesn´t touch my little one.  Tears start flowing.  No way to control anything here.  Be with it.

The uncertainty,  the disconfort,  the Love.

Feel his pain and trust the doctor.

...

It´s 3 pm in the afternoon.  Gael is doing good now.    I can hear him laughing and playing downstairs.  Somehow,  he came intact from the experience.  Such a strong,  wise little boy.  He claims he did scream very hard when the doctor helped him,  but could hold his ground.  Not his mamma who is crying and crumbling down as she writes these lines.

Today,  i faced the biggest fear in my life.  I don´t think i kept it together very well,    but i know for sure something beyond my mind protected all of us.  If it had been a normal day,  no one would have come to practice early.  I would have been all alone with the three babies with a very serious accident and no help.

But my friends came today.  Everything was somehow planned by Someone so even in the edge i could find my ground.

This invisible hand  sends me challenges but also softens the bite and embraces me through my friends.

He is Ok.
I am on my knees.

Isn´t this what i have been praying for?

No hay comentarios:

Publicar un comentario

Nota: solo los miembros de este blog pueden publicar comentarios.