City of Angels

I finished my week with my Teacher.  My body aching but my heart exploding with joy.

It's hard to explain how Intermediate Series melts you down.  In the beginning,  it brings out all the stuff you've been trying to hide from yourself.  Old emotions,  unworthiness, insecurities.  Everything comes to the surface.  You become this strange creature with nightmares every night,  wondering if everyone else is going through the same crazy stuff.

We all are,  in a different way.  The beauty and magic of this method is that it works individually with everyone even though it seems to be the same physical practice.  Someone told me today that if you think of yoga in this lifetime it is already a blessing even though you don't move a finger.  But if you get to do a sun salutation- then you found your treasure.  Not easy to peel through the layers of the shell to find the pearl, my teacher said this morning.

But you know you have no choice.

Life can be endured or truly lived.  In my case,  i used to struggle a lot mentally.  Instead of accepting what was coming to me,  i was always wishing it to be different that it was.  This created a leak of energy in my system and i was usually worried and stressed out about the future.  Yoga has helped me accept each moment as it comes.  It has supported me through ups and downs,  given me the equanimity to know everything shall pass.

Right now i am going through a big family transition.  Things are moving in unexpected ways and i am not really sure how i am going to bring this boat into safe port.  Sometimes i wish i wasn't the captain of my ship.  But i know i am.  I am in charge of my life and i am where i need to be,  where i can learn something new.  As i watched the roof of our gym this morning in class,  i felt so blessed to know somehow my previous decisions brought me there- to my teacher,  to my friends and students,  to my dharma.    Something i did very well because Yoga found me in this lifetime.

In this City of Angels it's so easy to focus on my practice.  I know i am going back to my family,  the shala,  my work and life in Costa Rica.  I know i have a handful down there:  holding the children,  buying the groceries, paying the bills,  teaching the students,  doing my practice.  Sometimes it all really flows.  Sometimes it gets hard as hell.  And still, overall i feel so grateful just to be writing this.  To feel open and relaxed after my practice,  to know out there there are many more faithful yogis with honest hearts longing for the truth.

We are all in this together and all separation is a myth.  Some may understand this,  others not yet.  But i am happy to know my happiness is your happiness and your grief my grief.  If we can support each other in the path then life takes a new meaning.

So maybe that is why i felt so light and calm during Intermediate today.  Anticipating the old pattern in my mind saying " I can´t do this".

I know i can,  will i choose to do it? 
Will i choose to stay open and connected to the Light instead of the doubts and fears? 
Will i find the strength inside to remember i am always in touch with the Supreme Energy? 


Or will i fall prey to old voices and resentments that weigh me down? 
I don´t think so.

The body is a manifestation of our soul. Today i could feel my soul leading the way.

I go back from this City of Angels knowing i can choose every second to be in the darkness or i can enjoy  the unfathomable,  mysterious and replenishing taste of the Light.