Freedom above anything else

Many have been asking me about my reason to leave Costa Rica and why I closed my shala in San José after 16 years of continuous teaching.  

This one goes in english for the whole world.

I was the Costa Rican Ambassador to India from January 2017 until August 2018.  My life completely changed when I accepted this responsibility for my country.  My original plan was always to take my three little children with me to Delhi but that was not possible because of the extreme environmental conditions in the city.  

I personally endured several bronchial episodes and a major surgery and as a responsible mother I decided to let go of my dream of taking them there.  I surrendered my ideal to have them relate to a culture I admire and respect because I could not risk their health.

Before I left Costa Rica to become the Ambassador,  I was careful enough to leave all the logistical arrangements prepared with my ex husband.  We signed a clear legal agreement about school fees,  transportation,  maids,  medical care,  materials for school,  field trips,  vacations and all the daily responsibilities of parenthood,  including the important clause the kids would come back to me when I returned from my tenure.  Everything was signed with lawyers and I left knowing no matter how hard my job would be,  my family was always my hope and inspiration to stay strong and reunite in the future.

It took a moment of discernment to let go of my dream of having my babies with me in New Delhi.  It was painful and I cried every night for many months while in India missing them deeply.  But this is the gift of motherhood:  we would rather sacrifice ourselves than risk or hurt our babies in any way. 

Being in India was extremely satisfactory professionally despite the obstacles.  As a student of yoga,  I have learned to understand life's challenges as an opportunity for growth.  I'm grateful to the Indian government for all the teachings in their diplomacy,  to each Ambassador I met from many countries around the world who was a kind soul and also to my friends in Delhi for giving me the opportunity to link our countries under the values of democracy,  women empowerment,  education for peace and the science of yoga as a soft diplomacy tool to unite the whole world.

I never anticipated going back to Costa Rica last October 2018 would become my worst nightmare.  I was eager to be reunited with my children,  going back to teach yoga-  my dharma and life's purpose and reopening my shala in Costa Rica were many students were waiting for me.  I was happy to embrace my parents and see old friends.  

The Embassy in India was a big challenge, especially because there is a lot of ignorance about this amazing country in my own government and I did not have enough support from my own ministry.  Anyways, the job was accomplished and my personal mission finished.

I was ready to go back to the loving arms of my babies. 

The big surprise was that a custody case had been opened since March 2018 against me and the news never reached Delhi-  a huge illegality.  Second,  my ex husband cunningly tricked me to give my children to this parents for a weekend while he left the country in a very cowardly manner:  and that weekend I received the tragic news not only he had sued me behind my back,  but also that a Judge in Costa Rica-  a woman ironically, had given him the temporary custody of my children with no mercy for this mother who had been away from them for more than 18 months working for their own welfare.

The trial for custody may take between 3 to 5 years to get solved and in the meantime,  I was granted to see them only twice a month with supervision.  

An absolute insult to my motherhood.

There was a very wise man in India who used to say unfair laws deserve disobedience.  That man was one of the pivots for the independence of this brave country. 

This major injustice was the lowest hit I have ever received in my life.  I have always tried my very best to live a life based on the principles of yoga:  non violence and truthfulness.  God knows I would have never ever done anything like this to their father.  No matter what happened between us,  the children have a right to be with both once separated.  In my case specifically,  I was the one who provided for housing,  schools and the major expenditures in their lives.  I was working non stop to provide for them and this temporary custody ruling came as a hit of acid in my face.

Unexpected,  low and extremely biased.  

I can say after 8 months of pursuing appeal after appeal with my lawyer without any success,  I'm glad I left my country.  I'm glad because the law in Costa Rica can be used against responsible and loving parents and destroy a family when in the hands of ignorant judges-  in my case a woman and this makes it even more hurtful.  

My case is unique since i was the  ¨man¨ in the family,  in the sense I was the major provider and responsible for most of the welfare of my children since they were born.  Mrs. Judge ignored all this,  even though all the proof was there.  She bluntly gave away my children to the father without understanding they had been waiting for me as much as I was longing for them.  She broke four hearts and until today,  no law has protected this slaughter,  only confirmed this inhumane mistake.

Our appeals have been misplaced,  the paperwork has been moving back and forth in between offices missing precious time and with no clear response.  This case could win the prize of the most mismanaged one in the whole history of family law in my country. My family has been absolutely abused throughout it with extreme emotional pain that has been inflicted in a responsible loving mother and her small children. 

As a lawyer,  I understand the inefficiency of law in front of matters of the heart.  A law that should be there to protect the children has been used to hurt us with no mercy.  A country that is known internationally for protecting human rights has committed the worst of injustice.  They say justice is blind but this case is the extreme example of blindness. My children have no voice and they can't express their feelings in their present situation.  

They can be manipulated because they are away from  me,  from my parents and family and their survival depends on it.  

They have to cry without tears and pretend everything is fine because they have been stranded from the mother and also from my family throughout these months. 

Everything is not "fine": their hearts are as broken as mine and whoever says differently is ignorant and deaf.  We are deeply and infinitely broken because the love a mother and children share no one can understand or substitute.  

We are the victims of a patriarchal system who still believes through the voice of a blatantly ignorant Judge mothers are mothers only if they stay at home,  cook for the family and wash their clothes. 

I was never such mother.  I'm a professional,  a lawyer with three masters.  I'm also a yoga teacher who was traveling to India and the world way before they were even born.  I'm a woman of the 21st century and I was living in a society were women like me are punished for breaking the ¨rules¨.

My authenticity is my legacy to my children.  That is why I left my country because if a country uses the law to hurt its citizens,  this country does not deserve anything.   Because if a country uses the law to hurt someone who even served as their Ambassador with extreme personal sacrifice,  this country doesn't deserve to be call defensor of human rights.

I have a new home in India.  I am a world citizen now and this personal tragedy has propelled me into unknown territories were I can be myself fully.  

This is the meaning of exile for me:  the freedom to be who I really am.  I never thought I would have to leave for this to happen.   I understood in Costa Rica anyone who is different will be punished,  one way or another and the punishment I received  I did not deserve nor my beautiful children nor any family at all.

I publicly condemn those who have used the legal tools to break four hearts. I also shamefully condenm a Judge who is biased and ignorant in front of the reality of women in the 21st century. 

Women of the 21st century are educated,  sensitive and strong. We don't stay with men who abuse us.  We are independent and free.  We don't hold marriages for the sake of the family or make our kids suffer in broken relationships.  We take action and safeguard our freedom.  

I went for exile  because staying in my country would have clipped my wings under a ruling I cannot obey  because of its extreme unfairness and ignorance.   Obeying that ruling would legitimate it and would legitimate injustice and bias. 

My children will read this someday and will understand this painful separation had a deep meaning.  I'm creating a new home,  a new life to welcome them as soon as possible.  

I´m grateful, I'm stronger yes and the most importante thing is I don't  have fear anymore.

Fearlessness comes when you have danced with death.  I have for the past months,  waking up every morning and going to sleep at night away from the hearts I love.  But life is wise and yoga is my sword and the sword of discernment has given me so many realizations during these painful months.  

The first one is Love gets stronger with distance.  
The second one is whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
And the third one is yoga is my sanity and my blessing.  

If it was not for yoga...  

My children will know I loved them everyday of this forced separation and I'm positive this love will bring them back to me.  

And those who tried to trap me,  I gently say:  you cannot fight Love for Love is the strongest force in this world.

Love will always prevail.  
Just wait and see.