On Grief

The promise of yoga is future suffering can be avoided.  As human beings,  we are bound to suffer.  No matter how much yoga,  no matter how vegan,  no matter how self- aware,  we are meant to die.  

Lack and loss are life staples. We can't avoid them nor we should.

It is impossible to live in a human body and not feel anxiety,  emotional pain,  physical pain and fear.  Uncertainty is the only constant.  

Change.  

Unexpected events and tragedies.  

Yet,  we can learn to relate to pain in a different manner. I have and not because of me,  but because of my yoga practice.

I am dealing with a very painful situation right now.  It has been going on for months and the pain is fresh everyday: it doesn't go away.  Bleeds daily like the stigmas in the saints hands. No matter how much I practice,  its still there.  The absence of my children is a hole in my heart.  Yet,  thanks to my sadhana I can at least try to stay in the present moment and experience the depth of this wound but not extrapolate it.

I don't know what is coming,  yet I know I'm here,  alive and grateful.  I'm grateful because they are my children,  no matter what.  I'm their mother and no one can love them as I do.  I have learned to understand the depth of this love and use it to dive deeply into my consciousness.  

Beyond the role,  its a deep daily inquiry on love.  

Thanks to yoga,  I'm not a prisoner of fear or anger even though I have enough reasons to be bitter,  angry and resentful.  I know those who have inflicted us this pain  have their own karma to deal with and that is none of my business.  God will take care of it.  I have chosen not to dwell in grudges or contempt.  

This attitude has diminished my suffering greatly.  

Yes,  there are actions to be taken and yoga is skill in action.  

Thanks to my practice,  when the moment came to make a decision to stay in a situation that was unlivable,  I chose to leave.  Yes,  I chose to leave the plate that was served to me because it did not respect my integrity and my values.  Yes,  I decided not to obey a judgment that is unfair,  following Gandhi's wise words to disobey whatever hurts our sense of humanity.  

I chose but have suffered deeply yes.  Yet,  the option of staying would have been way more painful.  Leaving my kids is the hardest thing I have ever done.  But I know its temporary and I know life will bring us back again. I followed my deepest instincts because my children need a strong healthy mother...not a rag,  not a depressive and sick one.  

I could have become a prisoner of my fears and remain in the cage of my own mind.  But through the daily repetition of my sadhana,  I have learned to observe myself when I'm going down and the mental patterns that threaten to take me into despair,  impatience and discouragement.  

Then,  I take a deep breath.  And then another... 

And then,  I cruise through my asana practice and I yoke myself tight to the current of my breath and observe how the mental patterns start changing.

From judgment into acceptance.
From self loathing into self inquiry.

From guilt into calmness.

Fleeting clouds reassure me I'm something deeper than them.  I'm something inside the breath:  one that can endure anything. 

Who I really am observes everything in equaminity.

Being in this world as human beings gives us the one-in-a lifetime opportunity to become more conscious about the ways we increase our own suffering.  

How do we deal with people? Are we constantly blaming them for our unhappiness?  Are we constantly judging according to our views?  Are we feeling entitled from our attachment to our sense of a separate self? 

Are we choosing to feed this over and over again?

Yoga is the promise of freedom and it comes with a sense of isolation.  We stop engaging with the ways of the illusion and that makes us outsiders to the matrix.   The trap of false identification with our mind patterns and attachment to our ideas creates intense psychological pain.  

Why?  

Because somehow we are trying to get others to agree with what we believe and see things as we see them.

Sitting with ourselves means relinquishing all efforts to make it happen our way and change others.  Means accepting everything that is happening just the way it is and freeing ourselves from the fixation to make things ¨better¨,  or ¨different¨ or linger in the past of how it ¨used to be¨....or expect things to be ¨better¨ in the future. 

We can choose to be isolated from others in support of our ideas or we can feel the absolute interconnectedness with all beings,  even in the moments of pure despair.    The broader perspective is engaging with the world in a more compassionate way both to ourselves and others.  It´s very hard sometimes, yes.  

How can we cultivate compassion towards those who hurt us, betray us,  stab us in the back?

Yoga says we can actually purify our minds through this daily challenges.   We can cultivate friendship towards the happy,  compassion towards the suffering, joy towards the virtuous and indifference towards the unvirtuous.    Instead of being constantly fluctuating between attachment and aversion,  distracting ourselves with attraction and enmity,  our minds will become like a laser beam,  focused on what expands and balances our energies instead of what brings us down.

We have the choice to take skilled actions everyday.  Maybe others are not doing that and we are hurt by their unconsciousness.  But we always have a choice to engage in their dramas or transcend the lower energies.  

We always have a choice how to react to what comes to us.

The daily repetition in yoga creates patterns of compassion and acceptance for ourselves as we are and then this goes into our daily lives.   Self awareness is not about being aloof or disconnected from others, but actually about understanding we all share the same essence.  We can grow from our grief and from listening to the suffering of others and this will grow the seed of interconnectedness  instead of using our practice as a self centered ritual.  

Life needs us present,  open and ready to serve.  

¨The goal of yoga is to overcome  suffering and replace it with bliss.¨